I'm not a big one for New Year Resolutions but God had laid something on my heart to embrace this year. 2012 is going to be my year of No Excuses. I'm going to attempt to blog on all that means in the next few weeks and even months.
2012 is going to be MY year of No Excuses in my
- walk with Christ
- with the food I eat
- with my workouts and training
- with my relationships
- with my work
- with all aspects of my life...big or small.
So, stay tuned as I share the Journey God is taking me on this year!
I have continued my study on Insecurities. I haven't posted everything I have learned because, well, let's be honest, I don't need to put every little thing out here for the world to see. ;-)
However, this morning as reading something hit me. One cause of insecurity can be drastic change. I had plenty of that when I was a child. My parents divorce was the first stage of drastic change. That was followed very shortly by the death of my grandfather. Then again that was followed rather quickly by my father breaking his neck. In fact, all three events happened in one year. I was the same age that my daughter is now. At the time I didn't know how to deal with change. I was a pre-teen in all my early stages of hormonal disaray. It's a miracle I came out as well off as I did.
Amazingly over the next few years after all of that change occured God taught me a lesson that I didn't recognize he was teaching me until this morning. If we turn to God, He uses drastic change to grow us. The change I encountered that year may be part of the reason I struggle with so many insecurities, however, it is also the reason I am who I am today. When my little 11 year old world was turned upside down I didn't know what to do. That was when God stepped in and drew me close to Him. He used that time of change to grow me. To help me realize just how much I need Him!
Once I went off to college, without realizing why, I grew to love change. I just chalked it up to being spontaneous and fun. I was always ready to take on the next adventure. I was ready to jump in with both feet no matter how cold the water or great the shock.
From the time I was 18 to now (I will admit it but only this once) at 33 years of age I have sought out change. I surprised my entire family by being ready to move 2 states away to experience college on my own. I lived in a dorm and took in all that was college life. At the end of those two years my next adventure came....I married. My last two years of college were spent learning what it meant to be a wife and to my great surprise a mother. As soon as I graduated we moved back to my hometown....another big move. That only lasted 2 years and we moved overseas. After two years in a mega city we moved to a small island. We actually spent 2 years and 4 months on this island (the longest I had ever lived in one place since leaving home for college). At the end of that time we moved to Mississippi (a foreign country in all it's own rights). We stayed there for almost 2 years. At that point we moved back home to Florida. Do you note a pattern? I moved EVERY TWO YEARS for 12 straight years! Talk about drastic change!
Without realizing it, every time we moved I was allowing God to grow me. Each stage of my life was another lesson God was teaching me. I have laerned the importance of putting my trust in Him. I have learned to have blind faith. I have learned what it is like to step out of my comfort zone. I have learned the power of prayer. I have learned what true worship is. I have been changed and transformed at every stage. God has brought people in and out of my life.
So, it turns out that all of that moving and changing wasn't just Clark and I being spontaneous. It was God leading us down the exact path He wanted us on to grow us into the people He wanted us to be! While I selfishly thought the constant change was me being fun it was God using each experience to grow me, to teach me, and to change me!
All that is said to bring me to the present. God has thrown me a curve ball. We have currently been home in Florida for over 2 1/2 years. We are closing in on three years. This breaks our cycle of moving every 2 years...Of changing drastically every 2 years. Which means, this is a change of it's own. Believe it or not the change of stability after having moved so often is proving to be harder on me than the changing every few yeras. There is no sign of change on the horizon. God has me in a place of stability. After 12 years of constant change I'm not sure what to do without it.
Could it be God is getting ready to teach me again? Could it be a reminder of how to get out of my comfort zone? Could it be another lesson in trust and faith? Could it be God taking all of the lessons He has taught me in the past 12 years of moving and putting them together for a purpose greater than myself? It's time for me to stop fighting stability and embrace what God is doing (otherwise it is going to be extremely painful)!
I hope Ramblings from a Nut made some kind of sense. I hope that if you are struggling with change or a lack of change this might help you.
Wow, just the thought of that overwhelms me. I have been a Christian for 25 years now but I still have so far to go when it comes to being like God. I fall short every single day. I am so thankful that He doesn't give up. I am so thankful that he is ready to dust me off everytime I fall.
The song below was one we sang during the time of worship on Sunday. It is a simple message. The chorus says "He makes beautiful things. He makes beautiful things out of the dust. He makes beautiful things. He makes beautiful things out of us." What a simple yet profound message. He takes what is so imperfect, so flawed, so dirty from sin and makes us beautiful! As I said, it is a simple message. I don't know about you, but sometimes it is the simple messages that I struggle to get. This is a great reminder of what God does for us each and every day. I hope it means as much to you as it does to me.
God lead me to a new book tonight. It is a Beth Moore book on overcoming Insecurities. WOW! I don't think I have had God slap me in the face with something like this for a LONG time! Why is it that we as women feel the needs to find our "worth" in others around us? If we turn the TV on for 5 minutes we will find something to make us feel less than adequate. If we go to the mall or even grocery store we will find at lease one other woman to compare ourselves to (and we never measure up in our own eyes). One of the worst things we do is turn to our husbands to build us up. Yes, that is part of what God has called them to do...but when we put ALL of our value in our husbands we are setting ourselves up for failure because they are human just like we are!
We are NEVER going to live up to the image that we "see" around us. If we continue to look at ourselves with "worldly eyes" we are doomed to a life of never being able to measure up. I don't know about you, but that is NOT how I want to spend the rest of my life. It isn't even how I want to spend the rest of this year.
The question I then pose is how do we get out of this mind set. How do we turn off our "worldly vision" and start looking at ourselves with the eyes of the Lord? I know that I am sinful. I k now that I will never be perfect. I know that my salvation comes in HIM alone. However, that could again leaving me feeling insecure and inadequate. But then I remember God's word..."I am fearfully and wonderfully made!" WOW!!! God made me. He knit me together in my mother's womb. He knew I wasn't going to live a perfect sinless life. He knew I was going to mess up. That doesn't stop the fact that HE made me. He created me. The only being in the Universe who is perfect created me. He knit me together. He knew what I was going to look like. He gave me my talents. He created me. If HE created me, then why would I look anywhere besides HIM for my self worth? Why would I try to compare myself to any other creation He made or find my worth in another one of God's creation. Baby, I am going straight to THE MAN Himself for my worth!
Now don't get me wrong...this is not going to be easy to do every day for the rest of my life. There are going to be days where the world bombards me with the "perfect." I am going to start to feel small, insignificant, unimportant, and so much more. The difference is I now KNOW what I am doing. I am finding my worth in the world rather than the Lord. It will be easier to get myself back into a reality check.
What about you? Where do you find your worth? Are you battling insecurities? What are you going to do about it?
I don't think this will be my last post on this subject. I have a feeling many more will come as I read this book. I hope and pray that God will open my eyes (and maybe yours) as I go through this book. I pray that I will find a way to see myself as HE sees me and not as I see myself with "worldly" eyes.
I am still a homeschool mom. I am actually a middle school math and science teacher at a great little homeschool academy in Orlando. I teach my regular classes 2 days a week and a special academic class 1 day. I get to be home with my precious girls 2 days a week. It is a lot different from the way we homeschooled in Korea and Mississippi, but we love it just the same. I also work at the front desk of Misa's gymnastics center 4 days a week. I work in the afternoon while she is training. Misa is now in 6th grade and spends 16 hours a week in the gym. Cali just started K-5 this year (where does time go). My dear husband has moved into a new profession. He is a fire fighter with a local city department. The adjustment from seeing him 24/7 to having him gone for 24 hours every 3 days has been a big one. We may get used to the schedule, but we will never like it.
Unfortunately, life in America has the tendency to distract me from my calling and the passions God has given me. That is where you come in, dear blog land. If I am posting my progress here in blog land I have some accountability.
You see, I love homeschooling, teaching, and working at Misa's gym. However the calling God brought into my life around the time that we moved back from Korea. That passion is helping women find a healthy life style. I believe that women have a tendency to forget to take care of themselves because they are so busy taking care of everyone around them. God designed us to be nurturers. He designed us to take care of our husband and children. Unfortunately, we forget to find balance. The first person we throw to the side is ourselves. We start by failing to take the time to eat healthy and exercise. Then we cut out our time with the Lord for a few hours of sleep. We finish ourselves off when we don't take the time to do something that we are interested in. We are then left running ourselves ragged while trying to care for everyone around us.
My passion is to help women see that we can care for our family and take care of ourselves. It is possible to have a clean house, well behaved children (well...most of the time), a walk with the Lord, a healthy body, and sleep! Yes...we can do it all and sleep too. Do I sound like a bad commercial or what?
You see, I found that balance. I lived it for 2 or 3 years. However, in the past year and a half I have let myself get wrapped into the same lies that women all over America live in. I have failed to take care of myself. By doing this I have let my family and friends down. I have let myself down. It took God knocking me down with a nasty cold today so that I could be still and really think about this. He is good at doing that you know. When we won't slow down and listen, he will make us slow down!
I love teaching and homeschooling. I don't want to give it up. However, God gave me a dream to become a personal trainer running my own business. It is more than personal training though...it is encouraging women to take care of themselves. In order to do this, I have to get my personal training certificate. I am in the process of taking an on-line course to do just that. It is a course that allows me to go at my own pace. This has been a downfall for me because I have been working on it for 2 1/2 months and have yet to complete the first section.
I have also put my time with the Lord and my person exercise time on the back burner. They have both been hit and miss for way to long. This has caused me to be stressed beyond belief rather than running to my Heavenly Father. It has caused me to gain about 10 pounds and 4 inches. I know, that may sound like a small amount, but I can feel it. It has caused me to be less than what God has called me to be and that is unacceptable.
This is where you come in, bloggy friends. I hope that by posting my progress here I will get back on track. I am not promising to post daily...and maybe not even weekly. I would like to, but I won't make any promises. What I am promising is to take care of myself and follow my calling. I am planning on posting insight I receive in my daily quiet times and workouts that are awesome. I am going to post my successes and my failures along this journey. I am going share about days where I find that balance and days when I am struggling to get up and go. I am going to share the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am going to honest and real. I am not doing this to draw an audience, but rather as a journal of this new adventure.
Read along if you are interested. Ask questions if you like. This is Peanut's Place: Take Two. :-) I can't wait to see where God takes me this time!
This year has been a crazy one! I believe the last time I posted we were living on a camp ground helping to care for 18 college student summer missionaries. So much has happened since then, it honestly feels like ages ago. We moved back to our home in August and started at a new school. I have been teaching at a small homeschool academy. The Bug and I go to school on Tuesday and Thursday each week. We homeschool on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I am teaching middle school math and science. Bug is in the 5th grade.
Clark got hired on to a fire department as well. He has been a full time fire fighter for 7 months now. He is loving the new job and doing very well. Because he works 24 hours and is off 48 there are only about 3 days a month that we work the same day. So, The Boo has been staying home with Daddy but will start K-5 at our school in the fall.
Melisa just finished her first competitive season in gymnastics. It was an awesome year of watching her learn to be dedicated to a sport. She has grown and learned so much it is amazing. She started the season with 7's and 8's and ended the season scoring in the 9's! I am SO very proud of her!
The school year is starting to wrap up (we only have 2 weeks left) and we are gearing up for the summer. I am sure I will have lots of fun stories to post. :-) I hope to get back to blogging weekly because I miss Bloggy Land! I am ready to pass on my crown as worst blogger in the world! :-P
My partner was rounding up the kids while I was at the hot tub to greet those coming over for snack and story. There was a guy in his 20's in the hot tub when we got there. I'll be honest, he looked me over a few times, grinned, and said hi. I said hi, but didn't think much of it. I went about my job of entertaining the children. My oldest daughter DID think something of it though and wouldn't let it go.
All of a sudden I hear her voice call across the hot tub "Hey MOM when is DADgetting here?" I replied "Melisa, you know Dad isn't coming today." She was quick to say, "But MOM wasn't DAD home when we woke up this morning." At this point I realize what is going on. I patiently reply "Yes, he was. Daddy had to go to work though." Her response was quick again, "MOMwill DAD be home tonight before we go to bed. The conversation went on like this for about 3 or 4 more statements about MOM and DAD. I guess the man finally took her hint and he left. As soon as he was out of the hot tub she stopped drilling me.
When we got home Clark hadn't left for work yet, so I called him to the other room to tell him the story. As soon as I said "There was this 20 something year old guy in the hot tub" Melisa heard me and came running. She crossed her arms across her chest and said with attitude "I got him, didn't I?" I about died. I looked at her (it took everything in me to keep a straight face) and said "Don't you trust me mroe than that?" She got really serious and said, "I trust you completely mom. But I saw him and I saw the way he looked at you. Cute boys who give looks like that CAN'T be trusted!"