God lead me to a new book tonight. It is a Beth Moore book on overcoming Insecurities. WOW! I don't think I have had God slap me in the face with something like this for a LONG time! Why is it that we as women feel the needs to find our "worth" in others around us? If we turn the TV on for 5 minutes we will find something to make us feel less than adequate. If we go to the mall or even grocery store we will find at lease one other woman to compare ourselves to (and we never measure up in our own eyes). One of the worst things we do is turn to our husbands to build us up. Yes, that is part of what God has called them to do...but when we put ALL of our value in our husbands we are setting ourselves up for failure because they are human just like we are!
We are NEVER going to live up to the image that we "see" around us. If we continue to look at ourselves with "worldly eyes" we are doomed to a life of never being able to measure up. I don't know about you, but that is NOT how I want to spend the rest of my life. It isn't even how I want to spend the rest of this year.
The question I then pose is how do we get out of this mind set. How do we turn off our "worldly vision" and start looking at ourselves with the eyes of the Lord? I know that I am sinful. I k now that I will never be perfect. I know that my salvation comes in HIM alone. However, that could again leaving me feeling insecure and inadequate. But then I remember God's word..."I am fearfully and wonderfully made!" WOW!!! God made me. He knit me together in my mother's womb. He knew I wasn't going to live a perfect sinless life. He knew I was going to mess up. That doesn't stop the fact that HE made me. He created me. The only being in the Universe who is perfect created me. He knit me together. He knew what I was going to look like. He gave me my talents. He created me. If HE created me, then why would I look anywhere besides HIM for my self worth? Why would I try to compare myself to any other creation He made or find my worth in another one of God's creation. Baby, I am going straight to THE MAN Himself for my worth!
Now don't get me wrong...this is not going to be easy to do every day for the rest of my life. There are going to be days where the world bombards me with the "perfect." I am going to start to feel small, insignificant, unimportant, and so much more. The difference is I now KNOW what I am doing. I am finding my worth in the world rather than the Lord. It will be easier to get myself back into a reality check.
What about you? Where do you find your worth? Are you battling insecurities? What are you going to do about it?
I don't think this will be my last post on this subject. I have a feeling many more will come as I read this book. I hope and pray that God will open my eyes (and maybe yours) as I go through this book. I pray that I will find a way to see myself as HE sees me and not as I see myself with "worldly" eyes.
I am still a homeschool mom. I am actually a middle school math and science teacher at a great little homeschool academy in Orlando. I teach my regular classes 2 days a week and a special academic class 1 day. I get to be home with my precious girls 2 days a week. It is a lot different from the way we homeschooled in Korea and Mississippi, but we love it just the same. I also work at the front desk of Misa's gymnastics center 4 days a week. I work in the afternoon while she is training. Misa is now in 6th grade and spends 16 hours a week in the gym. Cali just started K-5 this year (where does time go). My dear husband has moved into a new profession. He is a fire fighter with a local city department. The adjustment from seeing him 24/7 to having him gone for 24 hours every 3 days has been a big one. We may get used to the schedule, but we will never like it.
Unfortunately, life in America has the tendency to distract me from my calling and the passions God has given me. That is where you come in, dear blog land. If I am posting my progress here in blog land I have some accountability.
You see, I love homeschooling, teaching, and working at Misa's gym. However the calling God brought into my life around the time that we moved back from Korea. That passion is helping women find a healthy life style. I believe that women have a tendency to forget to take care of themselves because they are so busy taking care of everyone around them. God designed us to be nurturers. He designed us to take care of our husband and children. Unfortunately, we forget to find balance. The first person we throw to the side is ourselves. We start by failing to take the time to eat healthy and exercise. Then we cut out our time with the Lord for a few hours of sleep. We finish ourselves off when we don't take the time to do something that we are interested in. We are then left running ourselves ragged while trying to care for everyone around us.
My passion is to help women see that we can care for our family and take care of ourselves. It is possible to have a clean house, well behaved children (well...most of the time), a walk with the Lord, a healthy body, and sleep! Yes...we can do it all and sleep too. Do I sound like a bad commercial or what?
You see, I found that balance. I lived it for 2 or 3 years. However, in the past year and a half I have let myself get wrapped into the same lies that women all over America live in. I have failed to take care of myself. By doing this I have let my family and friends down. I have let myself down. It took God knocking me down with a nasty cold today so that I could be still and really think about this. He is good at doing that you know. When we won't slow down and listen, he will make us slow down!
I love teaching and homeschooling. I don't want to give it up. However, God gave me a dream to become a personal trainer running my own business. It is more than personal training though...it is encouraging women to take care of themselves. In order to do this, I have to get my personal training certificate. I am in the process of taking an on-line course to do just that. It is a course that allows me to go at my own pace. This has been a downfall for me because I have been working on it for 2 1/2 months and have yet to complete the first section.
I have also put my time with the Lord and my person exercise time on the back burner. They have both been hit and miss for way to long. This has caused me to be stressed beyond belief rather than running to my Heavenly Father. It has caused me to gain about 10 pounds and 4 inches. I know, that may sound like a small amount, but I can feel it. It has caused me to be less than what God has called me to be and that is unacceptable.
This is where you come in, bloggy friends. I hope that by posting my progress here I will get back on track. I am not promising to post daily...and maybe not even weekly. I would like to, but I won't make any promises. What I am promising is to take care of myself and follow my calling. I am planning on posting insight I receive in my daily quiet times and workouts that are awesome. I am going to post my successes and my failures along this journey. I am going share about days where I find that balance and days when I am struggling to get up and go. I am going to share the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am going to honest and real. I am not doing this to draw an audience, but rather as a journal of this new adventure.
Read along if you are interested. Ask questions if you like. This is Peanut's Place: Take Two. :-) I can't wait to see where God takes me this time!