I have continued my study on Insecurities. I haven't posted everything I have learned because, well, let's be honest, I don't need to put every little thing out here for the world to see. ;-)
However, this morning as reading something hit me. One cause of insecurity can be drastic change. I had plenty of that when I was a child. My parents divorce was the first stage of drastic change. That was followed very shortly by the death of my grandfather. Then again that was followed rather quickly by my father breaking his neck. In fact, all three events happened in one year. I was the same age that my daughter is now. At the time I didn't know how to deal with change. I was a pre-teen in all my early stages of hormonal disaray. It's a miracle I came out as well off as I did.
Amazingly over the next few years after all of that change occured God taught me a lesson that I didn't recognize he was teaching me until this morning. If we turn to God, He uses drastic change to grow us. The change I encountered that year may be part of the reason I struggle with so many insecurities, however, it is also the reason I am who I am today. When my little 11 year old world was turned upside down I didn't know what to do. That was when God stepped in and drew me close to Him. He used that time of change to grow me. To help me realize just how much I need Him!
Once I went off to college, without realizing why, I grew to love change. I just chalked it up to being spontaneous and fun. I was always ready to take on the next adventure. I was ready to jump in with both feet no matter how cold the water or great the shock.
From the time I was 18 to now (I will admit it but only this once) at 33 years of age I have sought out change. I surprised my entire family by being ready to move 2 states away to experience college on my own. I lived in a dorm and took in all that was college life. At the end of those two years my next adventure came....I married. My last two years of college were spent learning what it meant to be a wife and to my great surprise a mother. As soon as I graduated we moved back to my hometown....another big move. That only lasted 2 years and we moved overseas. After two years in a mega city we moved to a small island. We actually spent 2 years and 4 months on this island (the longest I had ever lived in one place since leaving home for college). At the end of that time we moved to Mississippi (a foreign country in all it's own rights). We stayed there for almost 2 years. At that point we moved back home to Florida. Do you note a pattern? I moved EVERY TWO YEARS for 12 straight years! Talk about drastic change!
Without realizing it, every time we moved I was allowing God to grow me. Each stage of my life was another lesson God was teaching me. I have laerned the importance of putting my trust in Him. I have learned to have blind faith. I have learned what it is like to step out of my comfort zone. I have learned the power of prayer. I have learned what true worship is. I have been changed and transformed at every stage. God has brought people in and out of my life.
So, it turns out that all of that moving and changing wasn't just Clark and I being spontaneous. It was God leading us down the exact path He wanted us on to grow us into the people He wanted us to be! While I selfishly thought the constant change was me being fun it was God using each experience to grow me, to teach me, and to change me!
All that is said to bring me to the present. God has thrown me a curve ball. We have currently been home in Florida for over 2 1/2 years. We are closing in on three years. This breaks our cycle of moving every 2 years...Of changing drastically every 2 years. Which means, this is a change of it's own. Believe it or not the change of stability after having moved so often is proving to be harder on me than the changing every few yeras. There is no sign of change on the horizon. God has me in a place of stability. After 12 years of constant change I'm not sure what to do without it.
Could it be God is getting ready to teach me again? Could it be a reminder of how to get out of my comfort zone? Could it be another lesson in trust and faith? Could it be God taking all of the lessons He has taught me in the past 12 years of moving and putting them together for a purpose greater than myself? It's time for me to stop fighting stability and embrace what God is doing (otherwise it is going to be extremely painful)!
I hope Ramblings from a Nut made some kind of sense. I hope that if you are struggling with change or a lack of change this might help you.
Wow, just the thought of that overwhelms me. I have been a Christian for 25 years now but I still have so far to go when it comes to being like God. I fall short every single day. I am so thankful that He doesn't give up. I am so thankful that he is ready to dust me off everytime I fall.
The song below was one we sang during the time of worship on Sunday. It is a simple message. The chorus says "He makes beautiful things. He makes beautiful things out of the dust. He makes beautiful things. He makes beautiful things out of us." What a simple yet profound message. He takes what is so imperfect, so flawed, so dirty from sin and makes us beautiful! As I said, it is a simple message. I don't know about you, but sometimes it is the simple messages that I struggle to get. This is a great reminder of what God does for us each and every day. I hope it means as much to you as it does to me.